Why and How I Became a Messenger of Change
It all starts the day we are born. Life takes us on a journey. We believe it’s a combination of random good and not so good events. We think that they have little guidance from us to the whys and when’s, but in truth, there is and always has been a master plan, we just didn’t know it.
Discovering My Own Unconsciousness
What makes life interesting is that we have free choice. Every time we are faced with a situation we can choose how to handle it. What that choice is governs our life's path. What I wasn't always aware of was my own unconsciousness within that free choice.
It wasn't until I approached my late forties that I realized my life had been a kind of consciousness school and that it was time to share what I had learnt. Intuitively, I have always had a sense that I was never going to go to college or university for these lessons. Life was going to be my teacher. Existence didn't want me to learn the patterns of the generation I grew up in. It wanted to teach me a new way of being. I had a sense of always remaining open and inquisitive to its lessons even when they were hard. Being human makes it difficult to detach from what is happening to you and those you love. I always wanted to be in control of the outcomes of things for myself and others so that I could feel safe and relax.
I distinctly remember the day "I" returned to my body with the clear understanding that we are all spiritual beings simply having a human experience and that once we understand this, we are free to create the life we really want, void of our fears.
It was about three months after our last child had left home. While sitting in my home office, my husband came to the doorway and asked me a question, I don’t remember the question but I do remember that when I answered him, it was with a voice that was not of my own. I remember having a sense of him standing there, astonished with my response and him being very angry. I, on the other hand, was still wondering where that voice came from and whose it was? I pondered a moment more and realized, I had returned from the depths of my being, from the hold of my personality to start this new path of becoming me again.
I’m back, but back from where? Then the voice said, “We are not doing this anymore”.
“Who is the we and what are we not doing anymore?” I asked.
“We are not saying yes when we mean no,” the voice said. “Use your truth as your guide, but you must do this with the utmost compassion for your husband because he will surely not understand. It's time for a new way of communication” the voice said.
Wow. I was fascinated by this internal dialogue with myself and what seemed like god or universal truth speaking to me directly. My job was complete as a parent and now it was safe for me to come out. What did I want? Who am I? Exciting as it was, this was also very scary at the same time, but regardless, from that day on I was different. I was no longer even able to say yes when I meant no. I used my truth as my communicator and allowed whatever came from that out into the open. I became courageous in speaking my truth, vulnerable and fearless. I was now the detective in my own life and I was determined to understand why I acted the way I did. It was time to come out of hiding and attend to my next job in life, to fully understand myself and how I communicated. This became my gift to share.
From there it took me a few years to figure out the totality of myself and why and how I had become someone I was not. It was not easy on my husband either but because he could see that this was something I was determined to figure out, he agreed to join me on this journey of rediscovering myself. At this time, I was doing accounting for my own company of 28 years and I knew it was time for a change. Those four walls and using that side of my brain was over. I needed to share what life had taught me, this was my new job. I spoke about it often to the point where I could see that people were fascinated with my story, clarity, and passion. Indeed I was onto something. I was encouraged to speak and share with others in a bigger way. So I decided I must, I felt I had a responsibility to share what I had learnt and come to know that I was given this life journey and the wisdom it brought with it to be shared with others.
A Trip to the Unknown
Shortly after this, I felt I needed to be away from all that was familiar to me. I wanted some time to be plummeted into the unknown further, to be more vulnerable, to see how I would do and what I was to learn. So we sold our house, my husband bought a motorcycle and we toured around the world seeing 30 countries in 14 months. Sitting on the back of our bike gave me the opportunity I needed to hear my inner voice even more clearly without all the distractions of life. I sat for hours and hours and watched the world go by as I traveled across new countries. My inner voice spoke to me often, filling me full of the joy of living and life and all the endless possibilities that were in store for me. It’s as if I had tapped into my fairy godmother and all my wishes could be fulfilled and yet all I was apparently doing was sitting on the back of that bike “doing nothing.” It was like being in a different reality. I would ask questions and receive answers clearly; I had found the open channel that most of us only get small tastes of throughout our lives. I had no thoughts of shopping, money management, making dinners, groceries, meetings with people for work; only the joy of simply being with myself, my husband, and our motorcycle. It was a feeling of complete freedom and finally experiencing what life and living is supposed to feel like not to mention realizing how incredibly awesome humans really are.
Go forward 14 months and I'm back to the reality of my life at home. I was aware of how my mind would throw in the doubts of whether in fact I was up for this new venture and passion of mine to share what I had learnt with others. Many questions came up: Do I have enough to say and share? Am I qualified enough? Am I even worthy? It was so interesting that on the back of the bike I had no doubts what so ever, and yet back in my old life my outdated beliefs crept in. Fortunately, this time I was onto them, very aware that that is all they were, old beliefs, and them resurfacing didn’t make them true. This is when I realized for sure that I could do anything and the only thing that was stopping me before was the beliefs that I had been conditioned to believe were true. Once I could see that my true self is and always has been capable of whatever I want to put my mind to, I was free of the doubts and old beliefs of my past. I had cleared the pathway to share my gift fearlessly. I knew my next move: To become a messenger of change.
I heard clearly a message on the back of the bike. I was going to write a book and coupled with that I was to do public speaking engagements as well. When I got back a friend of mine invited me to come and stay with her, she said that there was going to be a publisher, who only published books of inspiration, who was coming to do a talk that weekend. So off I went. The publisher and I hit it off and the next thing I know I am taking a three day workshop with her and a group of seven other new writers. The first few times I was shy and nervous to share my message with the others but as the days wore on I found that I loved it. Over the course of the next year I sat every day to write. Twice the name of an editor came across my desk so I met with her and she turned out to be the perfect match. It was as if once I made the decision to write, existence provided the tools I would need to complete my book. It was tough because I was also renovating my house at the same time and I took a year off work, so money was tight too. I pursued and eighteen months later, my first book “Can I Be Me Without Losing You?” was released on Amazon.
I did not only transcended my fear to speak my truth to those close to me but I wasn’t even afraid to go up on stage, exposing my every thought in public and in a book. This was clearly my new job in life, to share my story and become a messenger of change for clearer, fearless, compassionate, detached and more honest communication between us.
I have listened to hundreds of messengers of change and the one thing we all seem to have in common is the experience of hearing an inner voice whispering to us to go forward with an idea. One of the fascinating discoveries I have made is that the only thing that stops a person sharing their message and becoming a messenger of change is the old belief patterns/doubts and stories they are still holding onto. Once we recognize what these actually are, we can change them to align with what we want to do and be in our life; this is when our lives really start to reawaken. Can you imagine what kind of life you could be living right now with these doubts and old beliefs gone and out of your way? You will not only be living a fulfilling life for yourself, but by having the courage to finally share your own message you will be allowing others to live theirs and that’s the best gift one person can ever give to another.
My message is that whatever your inner voice is whispering to you, say yes to it, own it and your gift, so that you too may become a messenger of change and share your message with all of us. Don’t listen to that voice that tells you that you aren’t smart enough, good enough, worthy enough or don't have something even important to say, I say you do, so go for it. If you have been hearing that voice, understand that any doubts fears or beliefs are just simply that, old stories from years of conditioning, they are not true. Choose to let go of them and live fearlessly and become a messenger of change.
Together we can create the ripples of change that our world so desperately needs to heal, so I encourage you to connect with yourself, with me, with others who have gone before you to find the encouragement you may need to use your own personal gifts and join me in becoming A Messenger of Change.